I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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