once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
