I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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