i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
