Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
