she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
