You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
