Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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