24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
