the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
