my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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