So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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