real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
