how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
