still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
