I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
