im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
