What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
