I molested 6 butterflies tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
