James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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