When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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