did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
