if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
