ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
