i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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