I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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