You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
