I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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