i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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