Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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