people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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