you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
