Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
