Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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