I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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