It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need a beard to bite.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
