just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
