I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
