well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
