I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
