dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
