Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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