So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
