i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
