barbara walters just said penis...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
