I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone signed my nipple.
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