it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
