Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
