Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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