how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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